It Turns Out

I thought keeping busy meant keeping happy
But it turns out it's just keeping busy.
And the happy just isn't keeping.

I thought your words would lead to actions
But it turns out they were only words.
And the actions never came.

I thought my prayers would bring me strength
But it turns out they're simply prayers.
And my strength is ever waning.

I thought your promises were sincere
But it turns out they were only promises.
And "sincere" is foreign to you.

I thought your silence could make me hate you
But it turns out I hate your silence.
And hate myself for loving you.

I know now it's all been wishful thinking
But it turns out the knowing is sadly futile.
And hasn't helped me change my thinking.

I know I should move on and forget your name
But it turns out I can't move at all.
And your name is everywhere.

I know my tears should be long dry
But it turns out tears love my reddened cheeks.
And just my mouth is dry.

I can't know what changed your mind
But it turns out the change is real.
And your mind is far from me.